It's official...

...blogging is NOT my thing. Who would have thought after years of following countless other families as they journeyed across the world to bring home their children...I would dread updating my own blog so much? This surprised me as I am a bit of a blog "addict". I replaced reality TV with reality blogs ... you could say...reading them is "my thing". Neither a Survivor challenge or a Dancing with the Stars elimination can hold a candle to reading how a perfect stranger's "Gotcha Day" played out. I find it truly amazing to watch an orphan, in which the waiting family has known only through a brief medical report and a few referral pictures, become part of their forever family...an orphan no more, never again. As I read the stories again and again, I could feel an awakening of sorts. I could feel God planting the seeds of adoption on my own heart. I will be forever grateful to those families for sharing the good, the bad and the ugly of international adoption with perfect strangers like me. So I do wonder why it has been so difficult for me to share my experiences and feelings. That said...I'd like to give my blog another try...keep it simple... post enough to keep family and friends updates. Who knows...maybe I can help "plant a seed" along the way. So many children still wait.

One day soon I would like to share how Bart and I came to adopt Gianna. People ask me multiple times everyday. It's part of her life story and I would like to finally write it down before I forget the details. But it is late...so i will save that for another day. I'll just stick to a quick Gotcha Day report and home update tonight...

Our trip to China was amazing. We met our beautiful daughter, Gianna Xin, on August 29. Gotcha Day went better than I ever imagined it would. We arrived at the Civil Affairs office in Guizhou with our guide Michael and only one person was there waiting for us. No other orphanage representatives...no other families...just the four us. About 20 minutes later, in walked our daughter with her foster parents. I remember staring at her in awe. She was real! The little girl I dreamed about since January was standing before me. She was beyond adorable. I noticed right away that she looked very well cared for. She was dressed in a pink traditional Chinese dress with frilly socks and brand new sandals. I remember Bart saying how beautiful she was. I remember him smiling and laughing. I knew he was feeling like me...happy...but even more so...relief. We were prepared to meet a raging, fighting, four year old that would have nothing to do with us. We were prepared to have instant feelings of "What have we done?" or "Run away!" But it was so much better than we could have hoped for. She was smiling. She was pleasant. She stayed close to her foster parents but she let us talk to her. She liked the bitty baby doll we brought for her. I was so grateful I remembered to bring along the doll's clothes and accessories. I think she focused her nervous energy on caring for the doll... dressing and undressing her over and over again. I asked the foster family (through our guide) all the questions I could think of at the moment. They said her health was good, she slept well, she was not a picky eater...and my favorite...she was very "naughty". They said it with affection and a smile. They even joked the new doll would only last a few days. Ha! When it came time for them to leave they hugged us and gave us a huge bag filled with her favorite snacks, the care package items we sent her, 2 photo books, a special Chinese outfit and a hand written note. The note said they loved her very much and they will miss her but are happy knowing she will have a good life. The mood was light. There were no tears. When they began to leave, Gianna began to get nervous and cry after them. They hugged her some more and spoke to her a bit longer. She calmed down and nodded. Then they left. That was it...we were free to take her back to our hotel with us. It felt so surreal. I couldn't believe the Gotcha Day I had envisioned in my mind hundreds of times had just played out for real. Bart asked to pick her up and carried her out the doors of the office and down the staircase. As I followed them down I just kept staring at my daughter, whose confused eyes were peeking back over Bart's shoulders. I just couldn't believe I was looking at "The One"...the one I had been hoping and praying for for so many years.

The rest of the day went well too. She was all smiles until we walked into the hotel room. The lights were off and it was dark. She looked inside before we could get the lights on and she began to SCREAM. But she was consolable and soon began to play with everything in our suitcases. She put on every piece of clothing and played with every toy. I regretted not hiding things for later but at the time just wanted to keep the "good times rolling". We skyped with family and everyone was so excited to finally meet her. They were all amazed that she appeared so content. And she was...for quite a few hours...until she realized she was done playing. It was time to go home. She packed the backpack her foster family gave her with some of her new favorite toys and put on her shoes and headed for the door. I don't speak Mandarin but it was pretty apparent she was saying "I want to go home now!" There were a lot of cries for "Mama" that night and this mama was NOT going to do! She did eventually pass out from exhaustion and slept all night. The grieving that first week was hard to watch. We had prepared for it it but the feelings of guilt and helplessness are pretty overwhelming. She was so sweet and happy one minute and then racked with grief and insisting she go home the next. I found myself thinking of my 4 year old at home crying for me and waiting for me to come a get her from strangers and bring her home. This was not a healthy way to look at the situation as it only made me emotional too.

So we had a lot of this....

and this...

The tears came throughout each day but mostly right before bed and when she woke up. She would look over at us and you could just see from her expression she was thinking..."On no. I'm still here." But she is a brave little girl. She would recover and begin to laugh and play again. The next days and weeks we saw a lot of tears but we also saw a LOT of this....

and this...

and this...




It's so late already...I'll have to post more on her homecoming and adjustment at another time. Things are really going well!!! She lived up to the "naughty" description from her foster parents quite often during our two stay in China. In truth...I was worried. We experienced a lot of bratty behavior, defiance and hitting. Looking back I believe those negative behaviors had to do with her grieving and feeling like she had no control over her situation. Two strangers just waltzed into to her little world and turned it upside down. But she adjusting well. She has been with us 6 weeks today! Since coming home she has blossomed into a happy, kind, VERY funny daughter and sister. She is really easy going and sweet natured. I know we have a long road yet but she seems to bonding well with each of us. Even though I know she still grieves her foster family, I think she loves being part of our crazy clan. Here are a few pics from home...